How Not To Give A F*ck?
How not giving a f*ck will help you prevent burnout
Sometimes I hate that I care so much. That I want to give. That I want to accomplish. That I want to love. That I want to do and be. So much that it becomes too much.
The problem is not caring, giving, accomplishing, loving, doing, or being. The society needs it. People around you appreciate it. It’s worthy, honorable, and purposeful. It makes the world a better place.
The problem arises when you give too much and do not receive back. You end up empty and depleted: energetically, emotionally, and spiritually.
One of the simplest definitions of burnout is that:
“Burnout happens because your output is greater than your input.”
When you put out more than you put in and when your output of energy and resources is greater than your input, you slowly drain your energy stores and battery life. Over time you end up empty - burnt out.
We all have an amount of energy at our disposal for our everyday life — I call it “The Energy Budget”. You can think of it as your bank account or as a budget with a certain amount of money that can be spent on your everyday activities. Except that, instead of money, you’re using units of energy.
You can read more about the energy budget here and below:
But this doesn’t apply just to physical energy - it applies to other realms as well: mental energy, emotional energy, spiritual energy, etc.
So what do you do? Do you give less f*ck about things or not give a f*ck at all?
We always assume that the more we give a f*ck about it, the better and the more successful we’ll become.
But is that true?
As author Mark Manson in his bestselling book The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck: A Counterintuitive Approach to Living a Good Life explains it:
“You have to give a f*ck about something. Therefore, the most important question is, what are you giving a f*ck about and why?”
He gives the metaphor of f*cks: you only have a certain amount of f*cks to give and you should be intentional about what things you give a f*ck about and what you don’t.
As the author explains it:
“You’re used to opening up a book about how to improve your life and seeing a story about Steve Jobs or Elon Musk. But you can become successful in life despite yourself. You can become successful while seemingly doing all the wrong things and committing all the big errors.”
As I heard that idea for the first time, it felt weird to me.
On one hand, it brings me relief and empowerment that I can become successful without doing it perfectly (I struggle with perfectionism quite a bit, more about it later and in future newsletters).
On the other hand, the idea feels unreal, as if it’s not possible to become successful and great at something while trying hard or giving it your all. It’s probably a deeply rooted belief in me that makes me believe that I have to fight and work hard for what I want in all areas of my life: work, well-being, success, and even love.
This combination of trying and wanting everything to be perfect and believing that things won’t come easy, pressures and pushes me into wanting and giving too much.
In the last newsletter, I wrote that:
“Too much and excessive desires become pressures. Inner pressures cause stress. And chronic stress, if it lasts for too long, leads to burnout. So you have to be careful not to want too much.”
But that’s not all. At some point, you run into another problem with this strategy: something called The Backwards Law.
“The Backwards Law”, also known as “The Paradox of Willpower” or “The Law of Reversed Effort” proposes that the more we pursue something, the more we achieve the opposite of what we truly want and the more disappointed we feel.
The idea originally came from Alan Watts, who said:
“When you try to stay on the surface of water, you sink; but when you try to sink, you flow.”
When you’re trying too much, things won’t come to you. As weird and unreal as it might sound, I experienced it in my own life many times.
When I’m pushing too much and trying too hard, I can’t seem to catch a break. But when I let go and release, things start flowing once again.
Maybe it’s because when you let go, you change you’re mindset from lack to abundance. When you change your thoughts, you change your emotions. When you change your emotions you change your behavior and your vibrations. When you start behaving differently, you unconsciously start attracting things.
So, not give a fuck about anything?
Is the solution to not burning out not to not give a f*ck anything?
As Manson explains it,
“Indifference is impossible. If you give a f*ck about nothing, then you’re giving a f*ck about giving a f*ck about nothing. It’s impossible to not give a f*ck about something. Therefore, the question is, what do you give a f*ck about?”
The solution is to choose what to give a f*ck about and how much to give a f*ck about it.
If you realize that your job, work, partner, friend, family member, path in life, etc do not give you the energy that you give them and you therefore end up depleted because of that, don’t give a f*ck about that, or at least give less f*ck about them.
It’s hard in the beginning: it’s hard to change the attitude and investment in things that we do. But, when we start to give less f*ck about things or no f*ck at all, a sense of lightness and peace arises.
I hope you enjoyed this newsletter, feel free to leave a like or your thoughts in the comments below.
I’ll see you in the next one ✌️😊
Sources:
Mark Manson, The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck: A Counterintuitive Approach to Living a Good Life
The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck - Summarized by the Author